Black Christmas

December 24, 2009 1 Comment

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmasssss…. and I really hope that Santa is on his game this year. I mean, the rest of yall can fah la la la la laaaaaa yall asses off but I’m getting my present bid in.

See, people tend to visualize their deities in their own image. Back in the day, white people envisioned God as this white dude with long straight hair… just like them. The Nordic people drew Santa as a chubby white guy with a beard and the type of clothes that would be common within their area, during the winter. Well, I’m different so my Santa is definitely different from yours.

My Santa:

• Refuses to answer to Santa and only answers to “The Boss” ala Lonely Island
• Says “Ho Ho Ho” and they come runnin’
• Hails from Bed Sty, Brooklyn
• Has a Sleigh made by Cadillac (OnStar included)
• His outfit is a collaboration between The Hundreds and Triple Fat Goose. Shoes by Creative Recreation or Timberland. Hat by New Era.
• He listens to “Christmas with The Supremes and Temptations” and hates “A Dip Set Christmas”
• Knows that Slum Village is named after a set of projects and that Elzhi is one of the greatest rappers to ever postulate a superlative

So seeing as how my Santa is different from yours, I feel confident that I can drop this list on my man and he’ll see to it as best as “The Boss” can. Aight S.C. Get your game up.

Play Clothes x Triple Fat Goose collabo

Yo. This fucking jacket makes me feel like I’m 16 again. The awe I felt the first time I ever saw a cat rocking a TFG. Black with leather patches and a big ass Triple Fat Goose emblem on the back. Two words: Goose Bumps

Supra Skytops

I know that these have been out for a minute but who’s making flier skate shoes than these? Come on, son. Patent leather and suede… in burgundy? Even the Black and Turquoise jones are mighty healthy. Dumb hot, like a retarded flamethrower.

Sony Ericsson Xperion X10

This shit is gonna SMOKE all these current phones. Trust. You’re gonna want one of these. Mark my word. Remember, I was right about that Jay-Z fella, too.

I know that some people want big ole flat screens and what-not but my Santa is probably ballin on a budget so I’m willing to help ease his pocket strain by opting to get these instead.

Vizu HD Video Glasses

Yes, video glasses. I know that while you’re wearing them, to the rest of the world, I’ll look like Jordie LaForge (Star Trek: TNG/Reading Rainbow) but they’re so ill, I could give a rat’s heinie.  These bad boys are HD and give a screen that’s equivalent to a 72 inch tv at 50 feet. You can even connect it to your computer so you can get on some virtual reality steez. Shit’s crazy!!! Comes with headphones so that you get your audio up-close and personal. If Santa don’t get this one, somebody in my family REALLY needs to cop one of these for a g33ka.

Emu Limited Edition SP 1200

Now I know that we’ve moved leaps and bounds forward in our technology, especially in music. But there has no – and I mean ZERO – other machine that has embodied the gritty sound of Hip-Hop like the SP !200. 10 seconds of sampling time was more than enough for Pete Rock, DJ Premiere, Large Professor, Kwame, Dr. Dre, and any other producer from the 80′s to the late 90′s. Pair this thing with an S950 and you had a sure-shot weapon. Some of THE most influential Hip-Hop tracks in history, were made on this bad boy, right here. The homie, DJ Design has the re-released, limited edition joint. Jealousy has ensued.

Jordan IV’s

O.G. joints. Fuck a Fusion. Nuff said.

Well, that’s the list, yall. Somebody tell Santa’s black ass to get on the case. And don’t be giving them reindeer no Popeye’s before they fly. Last year, I was cleaning Rudolph’s shit out of my rain gutters for 4 months.

Holla

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